Hello 2010!

Wow...so it's finally here. I think 2010 is going to be a great year. 2009 wasn't terrible. Trying maybe, but no terrible. A bad economy makes for slow work, a knee injury which led to surgery, learning to tie shoes and whistle, first day of kindergarten, 5th bdays (B), learning to sit up, crawl, stand, walk, new teeth, words, 1st bdays, (wow, C's had a crazy exciting year!!).

Overall, 2009 rocked but I'm usually ready to bring in the new. I typically feel optimistic and fresh in January. I'm looking forward to watching the girls grow and learn new things. I'm looking forward to work picking up again and getting into a good groove. Dare I say this, but I'm looking forward to my marriage growing in the right direction.

I'm hoping to visit my own blog more often (instead of just reading others). Happy 2010 friends. I hope it's a great one for you too!

Hello?? Tap, Tap...Hello?

Anyone out there? My blog has tons of cobwebs from that lack of use! I am still a faithful reader and commenter for my friends but often feel that I don't have anything to share that is important.

I just read an interesting post about how feelings of IF never really disappear. It got me thinking. If I had the power to MAKE those feelings disappear, would I really want to do it? I'm not sure. I think I love a little deeper, hug a little longer, kiss a little more often because of my history. I think I can honestly appreciate the miracle of pregnancy. I truthfully believe that childbirth is no small feat. A beating heart on a doppler is really music to my ears.

Thanks for the inspiration to my friend over at Hope in Briarrose...check out her post here
http://stillhopeinvirginia.blogspot.com/2009/12/i-seriously-need-caller-id.html?showComment=1261595486290_AIe9_BG24k5zp98UgqZ0-XJjj3CqrFMz7_VH8RNI00WBEip4X4K2y9hggRE0M3SIWFdBu2w5jH7_957DhypuysmHEyQ2JdAZhBRO_EyRMY8Q95llmdCGEccsEl0iy061jMRo19KLzNkZUkK1ip7bXxN_ngXYqt9LNGXtiJluHd4GVkf92vCOF2heM-ooHGSU78U311uhugbZFZsMy4Z2Q9pE4A4XyhdNuZl4OwIh1CD-EcQelBtKWRlyLT3TxnxMcPZczW-DCbey#c2478140614425821957


Things are great at my house. Two perfect little girls with the sniffles and tons of energy! Merry Christmas my friends!

Lots to say but nothing to write.

I feel like I've turned into such a downer. I have so many thoughts for posts floating thru my head, but I never post anything.

My sweet dog of 11.5 years had to be put to sleep. My marriage is on the rock AGAIN. My girls are the sweetest and light up my life so much.

Vacation!!!

This time tomorrow I hope to be sitting on the beach (or at least unpacking the car!!).

I can't wait. I can't wait to see my sweet girls in the sand with their sweet hats I made (one of which will be finished on the drive).

I hope my marriage can feel the stress release as we drive closer and closer to the water. On the marriage note, my husband announced last week that he has planned a surprise outing for the two of us on the 21st. It's been WAY TOO LONG since he's planned anything that involved both of us. Hopefully, we are on the road to recovery.

Feeling better and thanks!

Thanks for all the comments and suggestions. Things are feeling better today. I hope we can keep this train on the tracks. I guess only time will tell.

I want the marriage to work for us and for the girls.

I wouldn't want to be married to anyone else. I want to return to more simple times.

A beach vacation is in the near future. Our annual trip with my parents and the kids. I hope it will give us both a minute to breathe and remember who we are. After the beach, we will hit Disney at the end of August. Just us and the girls! The first family of four trip since baby C arrived in November. I hope a change of scenery will do us good!!!

My marriage....

Marriage. When do you know that it is over? Does someone send you a letter? Do you stop talking? How does it feel? How do you know??? Or, do you just know?

I never imagined in a million years that we would end up in this spot. How does it happen? How did it happen to us?

Can every damaged relationship be repaired? Or do you eventually hit the "too far gone" button and just bail?

It's exhausting. I'm exhausted.

I survived...

I made it through the anniversary week. I'm glad it's over. Really, I am happy that is it done for another year. I guess all my grumpiness and anxiety just revolves around all the emotions that pop up.

My sweet Abi is hanging in there. No better, but no worse. I suspect we will hear from the vet on Monday or Tuesday about the blood work. I'm really not anxious for the call. It's almost better just not knowing. At least I have the opportunity to pretend that nothing is wrong since I don't have any hard facts to back it up. It makes me sad to think of our life without her (dog hair and loud barks included). I'm trying not to dwell on it and worry about it constantly. However, worry is what I do best.

Have I mentioned how much I love those two little girls? They are both growing so fast that it hurts. C is closing in on 8 months and B will be 5 late August. Where does the time go? When I think about how fast they are growing it makes me want another baby. It makes my body ache to think that I may never again fell a baby inside my tummy or roll out of a hospital with one in my arms. J is not on board. He is 100% finished.

Before the m/c's I always imagined two babies and we'd be done...finished...complete with a family of four. But now, but now I want one more. Am I trying to find one of the babies I lost? Would I be "finished" with one more? I have always had a problem with finality. I don't like the "end" of most things. I like for the fun to go on and on and on.

My head is trying to absorb the fact that we are probably done....my heart is just so not buying it!!!